Definitions

infinite = laundry. There is never a time when I don't have a full load of laundry to do.

sacrifice = staying inside for 90% of the only 60 C sunny day in January

devotion = my husband holding a crying baby for an hour while I clean a days worth of dishes from the dining room and kitchen

helpless = when you're sitting at the dining room table nursing with one arm, eating a Chick Fil-A sandwich with the other hand, and watching your 22month old carefully dip each of her 10 fingertips into ketchup. In one particular example, your daughter might then take those hands and run her fingers through her hair 10 seconds before your son has a diaper exploding poo. (It took a good 20 minutes to "reset" after that and added a bath to the evenings activities)

futile = trying to get my son to take a pacifier or trying to keep pants on my daughter for more than 50% of the day

apprehension = silence for more than 2 minutes when I can't actually see my daughter

Laundry day

Why is my underwear the only thing my daughter puts over her head when I'm folding laundry? To complete the mental picture, it looks like a scarf tied jauntily about her neck as she darts about the house leaving stray undergarments in her wake.

Our first date

With our daughter in bed and Grandma in charge, my husband and I went out solo for the first time since #2. As we were leaving, I reached into the pocket of my stylish Banana Republic grey wool coat, I discovered 2 toddler hairbands and a poo bag for the dog. It was like a cold water splash of reality to the face. God knows what's in my purse.

Bye bye maternity

I'm officially burning my maternity clothes. It doesn't seem fair that you eventually start to hate sweatpants and clothes with elastic waists.

20 months between them

In between changing what feels like 50 diapers a day, I'm reminded of a very important advantage of having kids close together.

If the eldest child is less than 3 years old, they're spared the lifelong trauma of seeing a breast pump in action. I was 28 when I first saw one, and I still remember it vividly.

Good grief

I noticed instructions today that showed 5 separate steps for loading wipe refills into their box.

-open wipes

-open box

-put wipes into box

-close box

-pull first wipe through hole

Really? Who in the world suggested that - and then who agreed it was necessary?

DEFCON 4 in the dining room

There are many speeds at which you can eat.

Slow: Leisurely sidewalk cafe style in Europe, long-time friends catching up, group of 20 dinner party

Medium: Popular American restaurant, at home on a week night, work lunch

Fast: Need to catch a plane, finishing late night munchies before getting on the last metro in Washington DC

Ultimate: Nathan's hot dog eating contest, all meals eaten by a nursing mother with a newborn and 2 year old for the first 3 months.

I should just puree everything - at ultimate speed you can't discern texture or flavor. Plus it's usually cold.

How we all really feel about cleaning

I had no idea an 18 month old could clean up after themselves. Our daughter went to daycare and they had a catchy jingle for the toddlers "Clean-up, clean-up, everybody clean-up; Clean-up, clean-up, clean-up everyone." Remember this is for toddlers...and I actually witnessed toddlers cleaning up while it was being sung. So my husband and I attempt to use this at home.

Today while my husband was cleaning up toys in the living room, we upped the ante. "Please help clean-up before we watch a Dora the Explorer episode," AND he was singing. Although sitting helplessly on the couch while nursing, I suggested that my daughter put her puzzles in the box. That was completely ignored, so I suggested that my husband put a couple puzzles in the box to show her what to do.

She went over to the puzzles, calmly bent over at the waist, and pulled her pants down.

Sure to disappoint

I realized last night that every time I change my son he's looking up at me and seeing a golden halo around my head from the ceiling lights. It is all downhill from here.

The attention span of a 2 year old

Never confuse attention span with memory. My 2 year old has the memory of an elephant when it comes to the location of any dessert item, dangerous or forbidden item, or item that has been removed from play.

The logic of single motherhood

I went out to the library and to grab some lunch with the 2 kids today. When returning to the car, I was reminded of one of those logic puzzles - the fox, the chicken, and some corn need to cross the river and the boat can only take 2 of them; what's the fewest number of river crossings?

My version,

(1) 21 month old daughter on my hip with potential to run out in parking lot

(2) 1 month old in stroller screaming as he's hungry and it's 35 degrees outside

(3) My purse in the stroller basket

Which do you leave unattended the longest?

For me, it was the purse.

Serengeti

Have you ever seen one of those nature programs where a mother, say a lioness, is feeding her 6 cubs? They're fighting for position, walking all over her, kicking her in the face and she just lays there with a blank stare. I now know exactly what that feels like - except I'm out of my league with 2.

Kids love stickers

My daughter snagged a panty liner, ran into the hall, peeled the back off, and yelled "Sticker". Although I was right on her heels, this declaration definitely gave her the advantage.

"It's not a sticker, it's a ...." Oh hell, I've got at least 10 years before I have to explain that.

Ring around the ...

There aren't too many things more comical than your 30 lbs toddler pushing a toy grocery cart carrying your dogs treat ball around the house with the 100 lbs Lab 6 inches behind. After the 6th lap through the kitchen, hall and dining room loop, the dog somehow snagged the ball and made a run for it.

The cleanest weight bench on the east coast

We have a weight bench in our 1 month old sons room. That's not the joke...

When I need to change him, my daughter says "Help?". The 3 of us head upstairs, she asks for a wipe, and then proceeds to scrub the weight bench clean. It's by far the cleanest surface in the house. The question is how I get her to switch to dusting?

Big sister

I love that my daughter talks to my newborn son, gives him kisses, and knows his name. I also think it's great that she is more interested in her dolls, changes their diapers, pushes them in the stroller, and burps them.

However, I feel absolutely ridiculous breastfeeding a cabbage patch kid.

Holy crap, why don't we all buy stock in Pampers?

I empty a full diaper pail every other day.

For clarity, that does include the extra diapers that are used on Eeyore and the Cabbage Patch kid.

Sometimes science fails me

After being truly ready to deliver, I read up on "natural ways" to induce labor. There are some suggestions that we've all heard of and there are the more obscure options like eating pineapple.

My thoughts on...

1. walking - when you're 9 months pregnant and 35lbs heavier with incessant back pain, walking isn't as straightforward as it sounds

2. castor oil - does vomiting induce labor?

3. spicy food - definitely the best choice so far

4. sex - really? I think I've never felt less attractive in my entire life than when I'm 9 months pregnant

5. pineapple - this cannot possibly be true, but I like pineapple

I'll be damned. I had pineapple for dessert and went into labor exactly 2 hours later.

Number 2

Born 10:24pm

Weight 7lbs 7oz

Length 20.5 inches

The difference with number 2

When you deliver your first child, you have no idea what just happened or what will happen. When you deliver the second, you actually have enough sense to realize that we are all perfect at the beginning.

And I'm finally tired enough...

After 4 weeks with a newborn and a 20 month old, the logical, organized, effective side of the brain has completely shut down and the creative side wakes up.

Welcome back to the blog :)