It's not about being #1......

I've heard that the second child is statistically likely to be less intelligent. I don't think it has the slightest thing to do with the parents. Much more likely, the first one has had something to do with the second one landing on their heads.

blueberries are evil

It's hard to describe what it's like to step on a blueberry in bare feet. Your brain immediately scans through totally irrational options, none of which are pleasant. It's actually worse to step on that blueberry in shoes, as you likely walk 100 yards back and forth from the kitchen leaving a checkerboard of circular dots before realizing what happened.

I scream, you scream

You come to expect that food will go in all directions during meal time with your toddler. However, when they eat chocolate ice cream, none so much as a drop misses their mouth

I wonder if she'll ever know how much....

True love is your daughter needing to go potty with 30 seconds left in the Elite Eight game when your team is down by 2

"Put the cheerios down and walk away"

This is funny, because I said it to my husband

Edible Regimin

Kids skin and hair are beautiful because they smear natural products like yogurt, jam, and potatoes all over themselves daily.

Sometimes you're right to expect the worst

For 5 full seconds I was really hoping that smear was a booger, then admitting defeat, I just started a bath.